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Some Nookie – Good for the Soul…

The topic on my mind of late has been sex, sex and more sex. The fact that I am a Scorpio, may be part of the reason as Scorpio’s are of course the sex sign of the zodiac, it would also explain my deep obsession to become a sexologist. Nothing frightens me, nothing about sex intimidates me it is something I would like to know everything about.

This is an act I do not believe we could live without, even Maslows Hierarchy of needs states that in order to survive we NEED, Food, Water, Shelter, Clothes, and SEX. Now whether that is to maintain the survival of the species or not. I fully believe that it is something we cannot live without. Could you imagine if we had to, I am sure we would all become demented zombies. Someone said the other day that we cannot let “that poison” build up in our bodies as it could be harmful to pets and children, anyone in the way of a sexually frustrated person will risk the path of destruction and doom…

I believe that this could be facing a serious humanitarian problem with anger issues, if we all had sex we would all be much happier I am certain of it, well in fact I don’t have to be certain it’s science, having sex releases feel good endorphins. Here are some facts of how sex is good for your health.

  1. IMPROVED SENSE OF SMELL
  2. REDUCED RISK OF HEART DISEASE
  3. WEIGHT LOSS AND OVER ALL FITNESS
  4. REDUCED DEPRESSION
  5. PAIN-RELIEF
  6. LESS FREQUENT COLDS AND FLU
  7. BETTER BLADDER CONTROL
  8. BETTER TEETH
  9. A HAPPIER PROSTATE
  10. LONGEVITY

I have given you ten reasons why its good to be doing it, if you don’t believe me google it. I am sure all of you have thrown a comment or two about how you think your boss didn’t “get it all this morning” because he or she is uptight, and being a down right bitch or bastard.

I don’t believe sex is to be abused and it is certainly not a duty, it is a gift we have been given and the truth is, you cannot get anymore intimate with the one you love. It is one-act that is about the two of you, and only the two of you, not the kids, the dog, the office, or any other bloody responsibilities. A moment of freedom, fun, passion and then the release of two souls that merge in to one magnificent explosion. Sometimes (if you into that thing) it’s about three people, whatever it is for you, love it treasure it and experiment with it. If not because you want to, then at least for Longevity.. you will live longer its a fact…

Now get off the treadmill out of the gym and GO AND GET IT ON…

 

 

 

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Posted by on September 8, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

It’s all very vague….

 

Motherhood can be somewhat interesting to say the least.

I have been blessed with two beautiful boys, and there is another boy on its way. I absolutely adore my children however pregnancy and myself do not agree with one another. After a long look in the mirror this weekend, I realised that I have a double chin, which seems to contagious as it is infecting the rest of body at the speed of Husain Bolt. It is taking no survivors on its path of bodily destruction. I now have a double chin, followed by double arms, double thighs, and don’t let me get started on the bum, as that is racing out horizontally, vertically, and diagonally at speeds unknown to man, eventually I should be able to set dinned for twelve on this booty. They don’t mention any of this in the what to expect books for expectant mothers. They also fail to mention anything about mothers expecting their second let alone third child, as though it is assumed if you have done it once you will know exactly whats happening second and third time around.

These books briefly, and by briefly I am getting certain that it could be five words or less that explain the hormonal changes that can be experienced. They fail to mention that you will want to rip your husbands eyes out with a teaspoon, shout uncontrollably at your already existing children and you will certainly get more and more angry at your pants that are choking the life out of your bum, thighs, tummy and little one who is quite happy in his little haven and is in no rush to join the real world, no rush at all. I know big can be beautiful, but big and demonic I don’t even think can be a pretty sight at all. They don’t tell you of the exhaustion that sets in due to the fact that you are still in the process of house training the little one you already have, or the fact that trying to explain that you are not a jungle gym or jumping castle to a child of two years old doesn’t work.

My eldest son  is turning four in October and although he can be complimentary on how beautiful I may look and tell me constantly how much he loves me, he cannot understand why I call him every morning to help get mommies shoes out the bottom of the cupboard as I can’t bend over without feeling I might break something, no instead in his gentle little voice he wants to know if my stomach is going to keep blowing up and if I’ll eventually pop and die…? He also asked me the other day why my stomach was getting as big as my bum, and needless to say my husband fell into an uncontrolable hysteria, and the more I looked at him with my demonic eyes as if to say, you think it’s funny do you… funny, why don’t you lug this extra weight around, better yet why couldn’t you be the one carrying this baby around, I’ve only done this twice before, just once wouldn’t kill you…

The books also don’t tell you how to explain to your husband that as much as he may have prefered your pre-pregnant body, and the fact that you where still trying to get rid those evil kilos from the last two children, that as much as you try to want to be healthy this last time around. The fact that although during the past two pregnancies you watched what you ate, apparently even though you are having ANOTHER boy and your cravings and moods, should be known by now, this baby is causing you to want to break into Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and eat as much as you can, and even if you want to be sick from eating more you just cannot control yourself and will force another one in like the fat kid Augustus Gloop from Charlie & the Chocolate factory…

So don’t you dare comment on any extra pounds, how dare you even insinuate that perhaps I should slow down, it’s the only comfort I have right now, and every time I eat a damn salad, the indigestion that builds up forces me to hang my head in the toilet, because clearly this baby is not going to give me a break at all, until he gets what it wants. ( Like Most Men )

As for my youngest son, regardless of the fact that he carries himself like a thug most of the time, he is just adorable and is really becoming a little boy. He can’t get enough of me, and I assume this is because he can sense that there is someone or something on its way, to ruin the fact that he will be the pampered baby of the family. He is so attached to me at the moment that he will not sleep unless he can hold onto me, and yes this includes when he is fast asleep at night, so all night I get kicked head to toe, I have had the heel of his foot slam into my eye, JUST as I have fallen asleep, a hand holding on to my shirt to the point that my backside goes dead from only being allowed in one position all night long. To top it all he is a Scorpio, and Scorpio’s do not appreciate being woken in an unwelcoming fashion in the morning. ( I Know I Am  One ) The first words that came out of his mouth this morning where STOOPID DOGGIES, as the dogs where barking and it had awoken him from the deep slumber he and ONLY he enjoyed last night, as hubby and I where certainly not allowed that privilege from our youngest… Please… why would we be?

Good luck to my next son as with the little hoodlum like Trent, I don’t see the little one getting off lightly stealing the lime light. However as a mother you hope for the best that they will all fall into routine with one another and you won’t have to play referee.

These what to expect books tell you nothing of what to really expect, no, I believe they could all possibly be written by men, who do not in fact know everything. You would have thought that by now, that a doctor would have invented a cream for bad moods, I mean they have an inoculation for cervical cancer, and still nothing to assist us demonic pregnant woman from committing mass murder.

I am stunned at the fact that women have been bearing children for hundreds and thousands of years, and yet the books don’t really tell us what to expect. Perhaps a group of pregnant woman should get together and put a book of short stories together explaining their experiences so all the other women out there can really relate to one another… Anyone who is or has been pregnant will agree that these images of women who have stunning bodies while pregnant are annoying as it is few and far between, and normal woman you have to work everyday, go home and look after their kids are way to exhausted to even go to gym, who cares about the celebs post pregnancy workout.. I don’t have the time so stop rubbing it in my face… Reality is women struggle to deal with all their hormones, the exhaustion of having children and a new baby, as well as trying to hold it all together so you don’t lose your job for having a melt down… Where are these real life articles? Where are those what to expect books. To all the people out there that have written these books… Come on get with the program, not everything is so romantic… I want self-help books and pictures that I can relate to …. I am yet to find them.

 

 

 
2 Comments

Posted by on September 5, 2011 in Pregnancy

 

Sophistication and Grace…. SAY WHAT???

Anyone who has the pride, the privilege, the pleasure, nay the honor of knowing me will tell you that although I may try my utmost to behave like a lady, the art of sophistication seems to elude me, and I was blessed with a fog horn for a voice, the mouth of a druncken sailor and have a way of gathering crowd, not always in a good way however everyone deserves a laugh at my expense every once in a while.

Although my mother tried her best to ensure I carried myself well, and had the correct etiquette, I find that as the years progress, I am certainly not becoming more graceful and sophisticated, instead, I will find a wet floor to slip on, wear a beautiful summer dress that just happens to hook on a restaurant chair, leaving everything at the back from the waist down on display for the world to see. Let me enlighten you on one little fact, I do not profess to have buns of steel… no no no I was handed an extra share of bum and thighs on my way into this world…

So needless to say, a gaping summer dress showing off my comfort assets at The Cape Town Fish Market, Mid Summer at Ushaka Marine World is somewhat awkward.

I will have to start getting myself under control though as I have two young children who within the next three to four years will not appreciate my unpolished personality, No No, they will hide me from the world, I will be forced to drop them a block away from school, no kisses in public, and perhaps they’ll take to calling me by my first name, and pass me off as their aftercare nanny. They’ll tell stories of how they think I was released from a mental institution and drink on the sly, and that’s why I am so clumsy and loud.

Even if I try, at the end of the day this is who I am. I can and will live to fall flat on my face at the ABSA Stadium Super 14 Sharks VS Bulls in the stands, once more.

Perhaps I wasn’t built for sophistication and grace, but I was built to get the stomach wrenching laugh out of the crowds for being simply human and will always be remembered as that girl and woman who found every flight of stairs to trip walking up yes up….

However, I do believe in one thing, that makes awkward moments bearable, act as though it was all part of the plan, and always throw in the comment…

“Why Should I be embarrassed if everyone else is embarrassed for me?”

 

 

 

 
4 Comments

Posted by on September 2, 2011 in Human Behaviour

 

Hello Happiness… Goodbye Winter

Spring represents so many different things to so many different people.

To me the First Day of Spring represents the start of summer, this is the time of year we have all been waiting for, where all of us from the Southern Hemisphere know the weather can only get better from here on out.

And so the transition begins between winter and summer, a season known for renewal and regrowth. A Simple Out with the Old and In with the New. 

What a relief that we will be seeing warmer evenings, longer days and we are within arms reach of summer. Those long lazy days around the pool soaking up the sun.

This time of year is the best time to go out and sit on the deck after work at your local pub, and take a sip of that long awaited Ice Cold Beer, Glass of Wine, the season of Cocktails and Fun. As though, every moment leads all into one sip, where life it self seems so much more refreshing and the thirst for summer is eventually being quenched.

The time of year where people are automatically more self aware af pasty skin, and that extra bit of pasta or pizza you ate in Winter to warm the soul is about to rear its Ugly Head, and it’s just TOO HOT to cover it with that long sleeve shirt and comfy winter Jeans and Boots… NO NO NO..

Today marks the day of open toed shoes, flowing dresses, and beauticians and therapists all being over booked doing those long awaited leg waxes and getting that overdue pedicure. Whatever to day marks for some and the crazy Spring / Summer fever that has arrived a little too soon for some, it’s a relief.

Although for me spring started with a spring clean of our office at work, I have decided I am going all the way this year.. A full spring clean of body, mind and soul. It’s been a tough winter in more ways than one for me. Due to having the miricle of another BUN IN THE OVEN, yes.. the Third and last one, Tight thighs and toned calves and that perfect flat tummy for the beach is not an option…

However… Meditation, a bit of Preggie Yoga, MAYBE some excersize, definitly Soaking up that Vitiman D, those refreshing salads and freshly caught fish (from the Sexy Man in my life) will be what I look forward to the Spring / Summer… Wollowing in the pool like a hippo is a yes… lying on the beach like a whale is a no no… That sexy long awaited beach bod I have been working on for the past 4 years due my beautiful babies will have to wait a little longer thanks to our last family addition… So maybe next Spring / Summer Beach Bod will appear…

Until then… We’ll go with Out with the old and in with the new… Mind and Soul for now at least…

 

 
3 Comments

Posted by on September 1, 2011 in Seasons Spring / Summer

 
 
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